Feminism and "Sisterhood"

  About a year ago, I read a very enlightening book entitled, "The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships" published in 2010 by Kelly Valen. In a very honest and straight-forward style, Valen discusses all types of female relationships that young girls and adult women experience from as early as elementary school, and through adulthood.  After spending a lot of time in my previous blogs discussing male dominance over women, I think this particular subject is a worthy one, and deserves its proper place when analyzing communication and gender.

      Inspired by her own experiences, and those of her four young daughters, Valen, a lawyer,  decided to explore why so many females are competitive with each other within families, schools, and in the workplace. She interviewed over 3,000 women from all walks of life that have experienced some type of hurt that resulted from gossip, group alienation, or just down right mean-spirited behavior. I also must clarify here, that the competition Valen is discussing, is NOT the healthy sports/game related type. This is in reference to rivalry that seeks to bully, undermine, degrade, or destroy another person's self-esteem, confidence, and trust in others.

    Valen's book brought back many hurtful memories that I witnessed and experienced in school,  and as an adult in the workplace. I remember how some females could dismiss one another with just a look and a roll of the eyes, or ones that would try to destroy the character and integrity of another for whatever minor infraction they could come up with. Obviously, there are many facets that go into creating this type of behavior, such as parenting and media influences. However, in Valen's book she states, "Each of us can play a role, simply by practicing daily kindness, tolerance, openness, respect, conscientious role modeling, and as much as anything, restraint and self-control" (Valen 184).

     Interestingly, I have always been rather militant about equal rights, and happen to agree with many feminist viewpoints.  So, I always assumed that most women felt the same way. I thought that we were all supposed to be in this unspoken club of sisterhood. According to Valen, there is a culture of women in our society that choose to sabotage their sisters, instead of supporting them.   Don't we all want the same things? Shouldn't we be genuinely happy for each other when we achieve some sort of milestone in our life, rather than being envious, or even jealous? After all, females have collectively experienced alienation and discrimination in some form during their lifetime, and have been treated as second class citizens by a dominant culture of men for generations. So, why would we want to make separations within our own gender?

     By writing this book, Valen begins an effective discourse about female to female relationships, and how to effectively relate to one another in a positive and supportive manner.
   

   

REFLECTIONS OF "THE INVISIBLE WAR"

     After viewing the eye-opening documentary by Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering called "An Invisible War" this past Wednesday afternoon, I have a new understanding of just how prevalent rape is in the United States Military. Once in awhile, I would hear about a case in the news and feel angry and disgusted that many individuals who are trained to be leaders, are in fact some of the perpetrators of this crime. According to the Department of Defense, it is estimated that out of all the active-duty female soldiers, 20 percent are violently sexually assaulted. Furthermore, approximately 1 percent of male soldiers, or  (20, 000 men in 2009) have been sexually assaulted. The percentage of men and women who are raped is most likely even higher, but unfortunately many don't report it because only 10 percent of assault cases end up being prosecuted.

     When it comes to rape in the U.S. Military then, it's apparent that this heinous and dehumanizing act is not gender specific, although female soldiers are raped far more often by military personnel. Sadly, there are still a great deal of men in our society who remain extremely discriminatory against women who desire to proudly serve our country. Even though there are many reasons why men rape women, as well as other men, it's possible that these offenders see women in particular, as trying to infiltrate and challenge their historic male only ideal within the military establishment. So, in their distorted way of thinking the only way to force them out, is to commit  acts of violence and sexual trauma against them. Rape is about power and dominance. Furthermore, it's used as a tool to degrade and destroy people mentally, and even physically.

     The film concludes by indicating that out of the many cases reported, they rarely result in any type of formal prosecution. Not surprisingly, as the paperwork moves through the chain of command it somehow becomes misplaced, forgotten, or even destroyed.  In fact, the film included a list of individuals accused of rape, who actually received promotions instead. Great deterrent! So, while the rapists go on with their pathetic lives, victims are left to deal with the bureaucracy, lingering physical injuries and PSTD, doctor appointments, medical bills, and legal fees.

     I found it very interesting that when interviewed on camera, high ranking military personnel would condemn these assaults and even talked as if they were doing everything possible to bring the offenders to justice. The reality is that victims remain in a constant state of victimization because they don't get any satisfactory answers and closure. Michel Foucault states, "We may find "states of domination" where power relations have become so entrenched that they can seem entirely one-sided and unchangeable." Clearly, the United States Military resists in moving forward into the 21st century.   There are also certain factions within this male dominated organization that are seemingly impermeable by design, a sort of power within a power, if you will.

     There are many brave, patriotic, and dedicated American soldiers of both genders that put their lives on the line and sacrifice a great deal in order to protect and defend our nation. So, why doesn't the United States Military PROTECT AND DEFEND their own soldiers? Why are disturbed and violent individuals in our military allowed to be promoted, especially when they're accused of rape, or even under a serious cloud of suspicion about this this crime? Shouldn't the most advanced and powerful nation in the world perform an equally advanced type of psychological profile on all individuals who want to join the military? Obviously, due to the number of sexual assaults reported in the documentary, there are many offenders currently at large in the United States Military. There has got to be a better  selection process put in place to eliminate undesirable candidates BEFORE their allowed to join. Because today's recruiters have a monthly quota to attain just like many sales associates in business, it's all about the numbers, not about enlisting qualified, mentally stable, and descent human beings.

Hillary Clinton - NOT Too Old For Presidency

     Although, I'm really tired of politics right now because of the endless campaigning of the recent presidential election, there is one story that just caught my attention. Lately, there has been a lot of discussion in the news about Hillary Clinton running for president in 2016. In fact, CNN Contributor and author David Frum, wrote an article on CNN.com about Clinton, and offered some rather insightful reasons why he thinks the Democratic Party shouldn't support Clinton's campaign. However, one of Frum's opinions really caught my attention. He wrote, "Hillary Clinton is 14 years older than Barack Obama. A party has never nominated a leader that much older than his immediate predecessor." Interestingly, Frum continued his thought by actually offering two examples of presidential predecessors that were in fact older - James Buchanan and Dwight Eisenhower. So, I began to wonder why he even mentioned Clinton's age in his opinion piece at all? Was this a sexist statement? Not surprisingly, Frum's piece created a bit of a backlash. But it also generated a great deal of discussion about gender and ageism, especially with regard to the presidency.

 Clinton will only be 73 years old in 2016.  She is a very sharp, energetic, and healthy woman who just finished her term as Secretary of State. When the time comes for her to make a decision, I'm sure she will do what is best for her, and the country. As I thought about Frum's statement further, I realized that the new Pope Francis is currently 76 years old, and he seems energetic and clear-headed enough to do his job. Was age a factor in his election? Pope Benedict, who just retired, was 78 years old when elected, and is now 85.  Pope John Paul II served the longest (30 years), and died when he was 85 years old. Finally, President Reagan was actually 69 years old when he was elected, served two terms and was almost 78 when he finished his last term in office. In an article written by Claudia Tomlinson from the Huffington Post, she writes, "While an older man is seen as symbolizing wisdom and credibility, the older woman is still associated with kindliness, and nurturing, not characteristics highly valued in international political leadership roles." I think Tomlinson is very accurate in her perception. This idea is a result of the traditional social constructions of gender roles about what older men and women are supposed to act like at a certain age. Frankly, I can't picture Hillary Clinton staying home baking pies and cookies.

      Due to our current economic situation, many older people have come out of retirement and gone back into the workforce. I wonder if the current perceptions about the older generation will change? Also, if Hillary Clinton does become the next president, will this great milestone finally put an end to the negativity surrounding women, age, and their potential for service in the highest levels of our government?


















     

    

  

Comm 315 - Analysis of Professional or Eye Candy

      In continuation of my previous blog, I would like to provide more details about the story itself, in order to further analyze the experience. To begin with, I eventually did confront this individual after I realized that ignoring him wasn't the ideal way to handle the situation. One day I just had enough of his B.S. and I snapped. I do believe that I got my point across to him that I wasn't going to tolerate anymore of the sexual harassment at my job. Now, I know for a fact he wouldn't have gotten away with this at his place of employment. After this strong confrontation on my part, I will say that from that point on he kept his distance. So... to quote Foucault again, "Such situations can be resisted and changed" (Gauntlett 128), I did take control of the situation and resist. In fact, it wasn't the first time that I have had to deal with men like this in a work-related situation. I will say it's much easier when there is an Human Resources Dept. to go to that will support women in these situations. Unfortunately,  in this particular situation, there was no HR department for me to go to.

     First, this place was an Italian men's club/fraternity that happened to have a business attached to the club. This part was open to the public for all types of events...which is where I worked and had a senior level position. Second, the club itself was made up mostly of an older generation of men, and who only accepted members that could prove their lineage on their maternal or paternal side. Third, the club's Board of Directors (of course...all men)  ran the club itself, as well as the business side of this place. (As I write this I'm thinking of the Vatican - very similar in how it's strictly men. Sometimes, I even felt as if I was in the middle of an episode of the movie, "The Godfather." So, although there were many good men that belonged to this club, there were many that were naive and clueless about how to treat women. In reality though, a woman can encounter this type disparity in any business. There are good ones and bad ones! In Gauntlett's book, "Media, Gender, and Identity" he writes, "The principal jobs in businesses and organizations are no doubt protected by a "culture of men" at the top.  To further this idea, Gauntlett writes about some researchers who studied Cambridge University, in order to find out why there weren't many women represented in top positions there. He writes that researchers identified "an insular and secretive "macho" culture, dominated by white males"(6). Although, I gave a very overt example of this in that, this club was and is no secret, I think there are many similar institutions like Cambridge University that amazingly haven't evolved with the times.

     While analyzing this situation further, I think that because this guy knew he wasn't at his own place of employment, he assumed that he could get away with his behavior. The fact that he knew that he was in his own private club, a member of the Board of Directors, and also understood how their system worked (they all stick together like glue)...I believe that in his mind... this gave him a license to behave this way. As I found out the hard way,  we women that worked in their business were somehow thought less of, possibly because we were outsiders, and obviously not men. So, no matter how hard I worked, or how professional I acted and dressed, I was not going to be taken seriously, especially there. Furthermore, as he said to me, "I made the place look good." So, I guess I was only there for his viewing pleasure. This is  definitely disgusting and backwards from a gender perspective, and because it's the 21st century and we're well into the mission of equality in the workplace. But, maybe the statement is true that, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  I could go on and explain from a psychological point of view what else I think was wrong with him, but that's another class.

Does this analysis make more sense from a gender-perspective? Does this identify Foucault's view about power getting constructed differently in different settings?"

Professional Woman or Eye Candy?

Although, I haven't experienced specific gender experiences of any significance this week, I decided to discuss one that I had from a former place of employment. Due to the public nature of my position, I had always conducted myself with a high level of professionalism, including the way I dressed. I knew that I represented my employer's business, so I took my job very seriously.

 There was an older "professional" man who already worked at a prominent and well-known company in town, who would come to where I worked to do some accounting-related tasks. He also happened to  be on the Board of Directors, so he was under the assumption that he could do what he wanted to. Now, even though there were many offices with desks that he could have utilized, he would come into my office, sit down on the opposite side of my desk, and begin doing his paperwork. He never thought to ask me if it was okay. Apparently, my space was his space. I always felt uncomfortable because no matter how busy I was at the time, he would try and make small talk with me. Even though I was irritated by his disrespectful manner, I tried to be pleasant anyway.

As time went on this man continued with his routine, but he would take it a few steps further each time. As he talked to me, he would literally undress me with his eyes. He would look at me up and down and even pause at certain areas of my body for much longer than just a few seconds. I would try and ignore his behavior and not respond to it in anyway.  In fact, I would just keep working so I wouldn't give him the satisfaction that I noticed his behavior. Then, he began to make actual comments to me such as, "You know, you really do make this place look good," or, "I can tell you've been working out....it really shows" As you can imagine, I felt enraged and violated by the unwelcome advances at a job that I took very seriously. I will end this part of the story here.

After reading through chapters in David Gauntlett's book, I understand Michael Foucault's point when right when he writes, "We may find "states of domination" where power relations have become so entrenched that they can seem entirely one-sided and unchangeable"(128) In a positive light, Foucault goes on to say that, "Such situations can be resisted and changed" (128).

When thinking about this experience from a gender identity point of view, I wonder what this says about how secure he was in his masculinity?  Did the fact that he hailed from an older, male dominant generation fuel his  behavior?

Toy Store Visit

        Although, I haven't been inside Toys R' Us for quite some time, I must mention how shocked I was at how the toys are marketed to boys and girls with such a clear division, instead of inclusion. It was a very different experience to go there not as a shopper, but for the purpose of noting how advertising speaks to parents and children regarding gender and identity.

     As I began walking through the electronics isle, I noted the colors that were used to indicate which ones were intended for boys, or for girls. On one side of the isle there were cameras, alarm clocks, head phones, MP3 & Video players, Text Messenger gadgets etc...that were mostly shades of blue, grey, black, or yellow. On the opposite side, these same items for girls were in various shades of pink, purple, and white. As I continued perusing around the store, I saw the Home Depot Toy section. These were specifically marketed to boys because there were only pictures of males on the front of the boxes. I saw toy drills, hammers, construction sets, and even weed trimmers. I thought this to be very disheartening, due to the fact that I have known girls who enjoy using a hammer and nails to create things out of wood, too.

    Looking up and down the shelves, the color pink seemed to be everywhere. Anything that was intended for girls screamed PINK. Now, I know that there are many, many different colors in the Crayola crayon box! As I walked further, I saw a sign that read Housekeeping. I headed to this isle and saw pink grocery carts filled with plastic toy food, kitchen sets, and even vacuum cleaners with only girls pictures on the front of the boxes. I have known quite a few boys that have enjoyed playing house with the girls and pretending with those items, too. When I saw the isle that read, Military, Rescue, Future, and Adventure, I walked over there. Most of the colors, of course, were many shades of camouflage - greens, blacks, browns etc...Interestingly...but at this point during this visit... not very shocking... all the boxes and sets had only boys pictures on the front. Clearly, there are many women serving in our military that hold some very high positions. They also fly planes and helicopters, and even have graduated from West Point.

     I concluded my visit in the sports isle. I realized that there was no difference in how some of sports were marketed to boys or girls. In fact, there were soccer ball sets and T-Ball sets that had only boys pictures on the front. This was unbelievable considering the Olympic Women's Soccer Team and all the girls soccer teams in schools across our country.

   I began to wonder how girls and boys feel when they end up in a certain isle looking for a specific item, but they don't see their gender on the front of the box.  Are they disappointed? Confused? Does it register in their subconscious? Do they begin to question their desire for certain toys, or even feel bad, or even ashamed about it?

Communication & Gender class - Post #1

     Well, this is my very first blog and I'm actually excited to come out of my shell to post some thoughts I have regarding the themes of this class. After allowing some of the main ideas to simmer in my mind for awhile, I started to think back on my childhood in the late 60's and 70's, and how the themes of femininity was masculinity were presented to me in my house.

     From my earliest memory, I wanted to look pretty. My mom never left the house without having her makeup on and styling her hair. I liked to watch her in the bathroom performing her morning routine. As for my Dad, he was in the car business and he never left the house without wearing a suit and tie. For my third birthday, I have a vague memory of wanting my hair curled before the party because  I always watched my mom roll her beautiful red hair in curlers at night before bed. One of my favorite gifts from that day was a basket filled with  "little girl" nail polish and some small little plastic compacts of blush, powder and lipstick. There is actually a picture from that day in one of my mom's many photo albums. I was sitting on the floor wearing only the slip that was under my party dress and I was playing with the contents of that basket. I know that I was in my glory by the huge smile that was on my face in the picture.

     During my adolescence, I loved my Barbies. I had the Barbie Camper, the Barbie Car, and a couple of the portable Barbie wardrobe holders, complete with the miniature pink hangers. I could never have enough clothes and high heel shoes for my dolls. (To this day, I still love clothes and high heeled boots and shoes... but for myself!)  Eventually, I had to have the Ken doll to play with, too. Barbie and Ken would go on trips in the camper, or take rides in their car to various destinations that I made up. 

My brother is 3 years younger than me and I remember him playing with his hot wheels, Lincoln Logs, and Tonka dump trucks. Our roles as girl and boy came natural to us and we never questioned anything different. I realize that for many people the role of gender is not so basic, or as "cut and dry" as my own, so I am looking forward to learning about how the identities of others were presented during their childhoods, and how they came to view their gender role(s).